Take It Apart
by WatchingAsYouFall
Summary: Shikamaru's a mess and doesn't know what to do. Neji helps put him back together. Complete!
1. Take It Apart

**[[A/N]] I really should not be posting this yet! But I am. Ok... Shikamaru/Neji based just after the Hidan and Kakuzu arc. Shikamaru's a mess and doesn't know what to do. Neji helps put him back together.**

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><p><strong>Chapter one - Take It Apart<strong>

Leaving Konoha hospital, Shikamaru inhaled deeply. He should feel relieved. He should feel like he now had some sort of closure. He shouldn't be feeling like his stomach had dropped out of him. He shouldn't be feeling like he needed to break down.

He had had his revenge. Now he was supposed to get on with his life.

Instead, he found himself wandering aimlessly around the village. He'd been given orders to rest; so he had rested. He had been told he was not going on another mission until he had received a psychological evaluation; He'd passed. He was told to focus on getting back to his normal self; he tried but he couldn't place what was wrong to fix it.

Disconnected. That was how some people had described him since the incident in his family's forest.

Disconnected. That could mean so much, he thought. Apathetic, unresponsive, irrational, he could be any of these things.

His mind didn't whirl so much now. He was free to relax a little when he wanted. He found he could just shut down. He could disconnect.

It wasn't just his teammates that had noticed the change. His friends from school had also noticed, and girls gossiped which meant that almost every female he knew was looking at him with a pathetic form of sympathy in their eyes, shaking their heads.

He had thrown himself into caring for Kurenai and her unborn child. He would go over to her apartment most days to check she was ok and make sure she had everything she needed; he would accompany her to hospital appointments.

He was sparring more now too; fighting with anyone he thought could give him a challenge. His father, Kiba, Choji, even Lee.

But he heard the whispers of the people around the village.

_"Poor boy, he doesn't know what to do with himself."_

_"He's lucky, it could have been him."_

Unwanted sympathy that did nothing more than enrage him.

He found himself in one of the training grounds. Lee and Neji were sparring in a clearing.

He watched the Hyūga push chakra from his palm to send the Taijitsu user flying backwards into a tree before doubling over with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

Lee jumped up and made his way over to the Hyūga. He said something that Shikamaru couldn't hear, but caused Neji to look over at him before waving Lee off and walking towards him.

"Shikamaru," Neji said by way of a greeting.

"Neji," Shikamaru replied.

Neji studied the Nara's expression quickly. Blank indifference, just as Lee had said. Stoic enough that even the Hyūga couldn't read him.

"What brings you here?" Neji asked, leaning against a tree.

"Just walking," Shikamaru said with no change in his facial expression.

"Would you like to spar?"

Shikamaru shook his head and looked up at the sky. Not one cloud drifting over the endless blue.

Neji pulled a bento box out of his pack and sat down. "Would you like to join me for lunch?" He asked. "It's not a lot, but I'm sure it's delicious. Hinata-sama made it."

Shikamaru looked down at the Hyūga and his bento. It was simply rice and sushi with two small vials of soy sauce. "Sure," he said, sitting in the shade next to Neji.

Neji passed him a pair of chopsticks and the pair began to eat in a companionable silence for a few minutes.

"What's wrong, Shikamaru?" Neji asked, stealing a sideways glance at the Nara.

"I don't know what you mean," Shikamaru replied, dropping his chopsticks to the side of the bento.

"You aren't acting like yourself," the Hyūga clarified.

"And how would you know what I act like when I'm myself?" Shikamaru countered.

"I am not trying to start an argument with you, Nara. I simply wish to know if I can be of any help to your friends and family who happen to be worried about you."

"Well they're worrying about needless things and the next time you speak to my friends and family you can tell them that, Hyūga," Shikamaru said angrily, standing up.

Neji smirked slightly. "Don't you think it's a bit out of place for something with nothing wrong with them to be asking someone else to pass a message on to their family and friends?"

Shikamaru scowled and glared at the ground.

"Is this about Asuma?" Neji asked.

"No. There's nothing wrong," Shikamaru said. "Why can't people just accept that?"

Neji stood up and faced the shadow-nin. "People don't understand that death changes people. But so does life, and you need to learn to embrace these changes, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru raised his eyes slowly. His gaze gliding over the Hyūga's body until it reached his eyes.

"I spent nine years denying that change," Neji said. "I pinned it on fate and destiny. I have now learned to embrace it. If you don't, you end up losing everything you once held dear, not just those who have passed on."

"I don't know how," Shikamaru whispered. "I don't understand why but everything is just losing its meaning."

"This is a part of grieving," Neji said. "You have yet to accept the fact that Asuma is really gone."

Shikamaru closed his eyes and pushed back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Don't hold back. Don't try to be strong. Do what you need to do."

His knees felt weak. He felt like the weight he had been holding on to for so long was trying to crush him. The burn behind his eyes told him he was crying and his hands on the ground told him he had falling onto all fours.

He felt alone. Without Asuma, he felt like he could do nothing right. He felt like he wasn't fit to protect anyone, not his friends, not his family, nobody.

But they were still there, they still needed him, believed in him, trusted him.

He felt the warmth of Neji's hand over one of his own and fell back to a sitting position. He felt the slight pressure of Neji's other hand on his back and he drew a ragged breath.

Neji ran his hand up the broken Nara's arm and up to his face, wiping the tears away with a feathery touch.

"When you don't understand something," Neji whispered to him softly. "You need to take it apart; you need to understand each component before you can understand the thing as a whole; and if you don't know how, you need to get help."

Shikamaru raised his bloodshot eyes to those of the Hyūga but didn't say anything.

"We'll take everything you're feeling right now apart. I'll help you understand."

With one hand on the Nara's back and the other on his face, Neji pulled the defeated ninja towards him and held him close as he began to understand just one part of what was making him disconnected.

Half an hour later, Neji was sat with his back to a tree and Shikamaru was sat between his legs with his head resting against the chest of the older ninja. His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot and his breathing was laboured. Neji had an arm wrapped around his shoulders and the other resting gently over the other's legs. Neither had spoken since they had fallen into the position.

Slowly, Neji could feel Shikamaru's heartbeat slow to a more normal rate. The shadow-nin's breathing was becoming deeper and more relaxed.

"Do you feel better?" Neji asked, quietly.

Shikamaru nodded slowly. "A bit," he said.

"This is the worst part," Neji said. "This is the part that never wants to end."

"I feel so useless," Shikamaru mumbled.

"You were even more useless before," Neji told him. "How could you help anyone when you couldn't even help yourself?"

Shikamaru smiled feebly. "I've never lost someone like this before. I still can't believe that it's real."

"It is, Shikamaru," Neji said softly. "You need to understand that and feel the grief. It's the only way to move on."

"Take it apart, right, Hyūga?"

Neji smiled wryly. "Right."

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><p><strong>[[AN]] Ok, so I'm so fed up of staring at this and willing it to be better, I'm not entirely happy with it but if I look at it any more I'm going to end up deleting it all -_-. Con-Crit welcome as always!**

**Edit: Fixed a few mistakes I noticed while going through this chapter again. The second part is halfway done, with a bit of luck I'll get it up on Friday or Saturday. The latest it'll be up is Monday!  
><strong>

**~WatchingAsYouFall  
><strong>


	2. Put It Back Together

**[[A/N]] Possibly the longest chapter I have ever written for a fan fic, 1700 words. *dies***

**I haven't checked this through yet so it's probably riddled with mistakes but I don't want to spend the next four days glaring at the screen so I'm getting it up and when I start the next chapter, I'll fix any mistakes.  
><strong>

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><p>Put It Back Together<p>

It had been three weeks since Shikamaru had fallen apart and given in to his grief. It had been three weeks since he had broken down in Neji's arms. For three weeks, Neji would go to the Nara household only to find that Shikamaru hadn't left his room that day either.

On the 22nd evening, Neji knocked the door and was greeted, as usual, by Yoshino Nara.

"Good evening, Neji," She greeted him. "Come in."

"Thanks," Neji replied as he stepped over the threshold. "How is he?"

Yoshino's sad smile gave him the answer. He was the same as night before and every night for the last three weeks. Neji sighed. He had hoped to help the younger ninja, instead, it seemed he had made things worse.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Neji?" Yoshino asked him as they made their way through to the kitchen.

Neji nodded and sat by the low table.

"I don't know what we're going to do," Yoshino said. "He's always locked in there."

"He'll come around, eventually," Neji told her as he picked up the cup she placed in front of him. "Asuma was like a father to him."

Yoshino nodded and the pair drank their tea slowly. When the door opened a few minutes later, Neji expected Shikaku to be stood in the door. Instead, he was greeted by –

"Shikamaru," Neji exclaimed, standing quickly.

Shikamaru was staring at the ground. He had lost some weight and his clothes were hanging off his now very skinny frame. "I did it," he said simply, raising his eyes to look at the Hyūga. "I understand it now. I've taken it apart and now I get it."

Neji walked over to the younger ninja and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "Now we have to put it all back together," he whispered so only Shikamaru could hear before turning away and sitting back down. He was quickly followed by Shikamaru who sat next to him.

Shikamaru looked at his mother. "Is there anything to eat, mom?" he asked, quietly.

Yoshino nodded and ran a hand through her son's hair and set about preparing something for him to eat.

For the next ten minutes or so, Shikamaru stared silently at the table while Neji watched him carefully. The only sounds in the house came from Yoshino in the kitchen. When she came back, she carried a bowl of kayu*.

Neji watched Shikamaru eat the dish slowly. From what he had heard from Yoshino and Shikaku, Shikamaru hadn't eaten properly for a while.

When he'd eaten his fill, Shikamaru smiled at his mother. "Thanks, mom," he said. "We're going upstairs."

Shikamaru's room smelt stale and was a mess. It was clear he hadn't left the room for a while.

"How are you feeling?" Neji asked as he sat down on the Nara's unmade bed.

"Tired," Shikamaru replied, sitting next to Neji and resting his head on the older ninja's shoulder. "Really tired."

"That's normal," Neji told him, running a hand comfortingly up and down his spine. "You said that you understand now?"

"Yeah," came Shikamaru's dull reply. "I was a mess of emotions and I didn't know exactly what I was feeling, so I did what you said; I took them apart. I dealt with each one on their own and now I understand them all."

"Tell me about it," Neji told him. "Tell me what you found."

Shikamaru closed his eyes and sighed. "I was angry," he said.

"With who?"

"Myself for not doing enough; Ino for not saving him; everyone else who was on that mission for letting it happen; and I found that the person I was most angry with was Asuma for dying in the first place." Shikamaru drew a shaky breath before continuing. "I felt guilty," he said. "I felt guilty that I couldn't do anything to help him. I felt guilty because there were so many things I'd wanted to tell him, that I'd wanted him to teach me. And I felt guilty because I was angry. But none of that touched the emptiness I was feeling because despite this flurry of emotions that I couldn't understand, there was a part of me that had shut everything out and closed me off. A part of my brain had decided that it was all too much and had locked everything away until I couldn't feel anything. I was numb.  
>But now I'm exhausted. I've spent the last few weeks trying to figure it all out and I can't do anymore. All I want to do is collapse and sleep for a few days and hope that the world is back to normal afterwards."<p>

"You can sleep all you want, Shikamaru, but the world's never going back to how it was. Normal has changed now and you have to accept that and move with it."

Shikamaru nodded, and looked up at Neji. "Lie down with me." It wasn't a request and Neji couldn't deny his broken friend. Both teenagers lay down on the bed, Shikamaru ran one arm under his pillow beneath their heads and the other rested between them. Neji held him close and the Nara rested his head against the slightly defined chest of the other man. Within minutes, both boys had fallen asleep.

When Neji woke a few hours later, it was dark outside and Shikamaru was still fast asleep in his arms. He sighed contentedly and closed his eyes. He could hear the faint sounds of the Nara deer in the distance and the steady breathing of the man in his arms. He could hear the soft tones of Shikamaru's parent's talking downstairs and a soft knock on the front door. Slowly he freed himself from the Nara and made his way down the stairs.

"Neji," Yoshino said. "Are you leaving now?"

"Yes, Mrs Nara. I'm afraid Shikamaru has fallen asleep and I would be outstaying my welcome," Neji said. "It's getting late."

"You're welcome any time, Neji," Shikaku said as he opened the door for the Hyūga. Stood by the gate was Hinata. Neji gave her a small smile before turning to the Naras.

"I'll come by tomorrow," he said before walking to where Hinata was stood.

They walked in silence for a few moments before Hinata spoke.

"How is he?"

"He's getting there. He understands what he was feeling now he just has to put it all behind him," Neji told her.

"And you?"

Neji sighed. "If Shikamaru gets back to being himself, then I'll be happy."

True to his promise, Neji went back to the Nara house the next day after a quick spar with Lee.

Shikamaru was sat at the kitchen table eating a small bowl of rice. He looked up at Neji when he entered the room and smiled.

Neji returned the smile and was pleased to see that after a good night's sleep, Shikamaru had regained some of his usual colour. He was no longer a pasty shade of grey. He looked more human.

After Shikamaru had finished eating they made their way to his bedroom.

"How do you feel?" Neji asked leaning against a wall as the Nara lay down on his bed.

"Better," Shikamaru replied.

"You look better," Neji said crossing the room and sitting down next to him on the bed.

"What now?"

Neji looked at the younger ninja in confusion.

"I've taken it all apart," Shikamaru said. "I understand my feelings. What comes next?"

"I told you yesterday, we have to put it back together. And as for what comes next; that would be a shower and getting dressed. We're gonna go for a walk," Neji told him with a small smile.

"Urgh," Shikamaru groaned. "Troublesome." But nether-the-less the Nara picked up some clean clothes and headed for the bathroom.

Half an hour later, Shikamaru returned, clean, dry and dressed. The shower had obviously made Shikamaru feel better because he smiled easily when he saw Neji lying on his bed with a bored look on his face.

"Hey, Hyūga," he said. "Are you gonna lie there all day or are we going for this walk?"

Neji sat up and smiled. "Sure, we're going."

It was a few minutes before Shikamaru realised where Neji had led them. His eyes widened and his breath hitched in his chest.

"Why are we here?" Shikamaru asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"You didn't come to the funeral."

"I didn't need to," Shikamaru said turning to the light eyed Hyūga. "The funeral isn't for the dead, it's for the people left behind. I said my goodbyes."

"This isn't to say goodbye," Neji explained. "This is to let go. Let go of your anger. Let go of the guilt. Fill the emptiness."

Shikamaru looked up the aisle of graves. He was ready to let go and begin to build his life back up. He was ready to return to some form of normalcy.

The walk back to Shikamaru's house took considerably longer than the walk to the graveyard. After letting go of the emotions he had kept bottled up, Shikamaru was once again exhausted, but surprisingly, he felt better. As he organised his thoughts and emotions in his mind, he realised that he was no longer angry with Asuma. He no longer felt guilty and his frustration with Ino had become more normal instead of the livid feelings he had had in the previous weeks. There was a feeling of acceptance drifting through him now and he felt ready to begin living again.

The sun was sinking low in the sky when they had returned and both boys were greeted with the smell of cooking noodles and fish when they entered Shikamaru's house.

After eating, they, once again, retreated to Shikamaru's bedroom.

"Lie down with me?" Shikamaru asked, similar to the way he had the night before.

Neji nodded and the teenagers slipped into the comfortable position they had found the last night. As Shikamaru was drifting into a light sleep, Neji made to leave again. He was stopped by a hand on his wrist and when he looked down his eyes were caught in Shikamaru's gaze.

"Stay?"

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><p><strong>[[AN]] Shameless Cliffy! Just one chapter left and I still haven't decided if it's going to be a real Shikamaru/Neji fic or if it's purely platonic... I'll just have to see where my muses take me!**

***Kayu is a type of Japanese rice dish made with uncooked rice that is usually given to infants and ill/recovering people due to it's ease to digest. It is considered to be similar to porridge. I figured since Shikamaru is meant to have been cooped up in his room for three weeks and is meant to grieving he probably hasn't eaten that much, therefore, easy-to-digest food seemed like a good idea.**

** Con-crit is welcome as are regular reviews. I really want to know what you guys think of this story =]**

**~WatchingAsYouFall  
><strong>


	3. Better Tham Before

**[[A/N]] Ok! Here is the ending! I officially suck at endings and it's really short buuuut that doesn't matter because it's done now and if I wrote any more on it it would be** **forced and therefore sucky. Anyhoo... Let the chapter commence!**

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><p>Better Than Before<p>

Ino tapped her long fingernails on the counter of her family's flower shop. Since Team Asuma had disintegrated slightly due to Asuma's death, they hadn't been assigned many missions and as a result, Ino had spent more time working on her medical ninjutsu and in the flower shop. She had spent the last few days talking to Choji about their teammate and best friend, Shikamaru. Neither had seen him for almost a month and both were positive that he was not taking the death of their teacher and mentor well.

Each time she had been to see him he was locked up in his room. His parents said he hadn't eaten for a while and they were worried too.

So her mind was made up. As soon as her mother let her off work, she would go over to the Nara household and get Shikamaru to leave his room, even if she had to drag him out by his stupid pineapple ponytail.

When she arrived at Shikamaru's home, she knocked the door loudly. A few moments later, Yoshino answered with a small smile.

"Ino," she said. "Come in, dear."

"Thank you, Yoshino," Ino replied, stepping in to the house and removing her shoes in favour of the indoor slippers. She made her way through to the sitting room and was surprised to see Shikamaru sat on the floor with his back to the door playing shogi with none other than Neji Hyūga.

Ino watched from the doorway as Neji smiled slowly picking up a piece and said "check."

Ino's eyes widened. Shikamaru never lost shogi, ever.

"Checkmate," her teammate said after his turn, leaving the Hyūga speechless for a few seconds before he smiled again.

"I thought I had you that time," Neji said before looking up and seeing Ino stood in the doorway. "You have a visitor."

Shikamaru turned and a large smile crossed his face. "Ino," he said, standing. "What are you doing here?"

Ino crossed the room and hugged Shikamaru tightly. She had missed him. She'd missed his carefree smile; she missed the way he stood head and shoulders above her; she missed the way he hugged her with a stupid smirk on his face; she missed him.

"How're you feeling, Shikamaru?" she asked quietly.

"I'm ok," Shikamaru replied, smoothing her hair. "I'm doing ok, now."

Ino pulled away and looked up at her teammate with a smile. He was looking normal again. He had colour in his cheeks and life in his eyes.

"We've missed you," Ino told him. "Me and Choji, I mean."

"Yeah, I bet he's eating all your money in the barbeque place."

"We haven't been for a while." Ino turned to Neji, suddenly. "Hey, Hyūga," she said.

"Ino," Neji replied.

Shikamaru looked between his friends. Of course it would look strange to Ino. He and Neji had never really hung out together, nor had they been on many missions together. Looking at it from Ino's point of view, he could anticipate the questions that were running through her mind.

_Why was he here?_

_How long had he been here?_

_Why did he, someone who barely knew Shikamaru know that he was ok while his teammates were worried sick?_

_What colour shoes should I buy next?_

"Why don't we go eat, Ino," Shikamaru suggested. "Then I'll explain what's been going on."

Half an hour later, the remaining members of Team 10 and Neji were sat in the regular booth Team 10 occupied in Yakiniku Q, Choji and Ino on one side, Neji and Shikamaru on the other.

"Talk, Shika," Ino said after platefuls of raw meat had been deposited at their table.

"I thought I had dealt with Asuma's death. I thought that by avenging him and killing that Akatsuki guy I had gotten over it; instead it had changed me so much I didn't know who I was anymore. But the last few weeks I've been grieving, healthily, apparently, and now I've realised that death changes people, but you have to accept it and move on. Now I can focus on what we're supposed to be doing."

"So you cut yourself off from us all because you didn't know what was happening," Choji clarified.

Ino picked up a piece of grilled meat. "I can see why that would annoy you," Ino said. "The way Tsunade was talking about you I thought we may have to have had an intervention or something. We were all really worried."

"Sorry," Shikamaru said, dropping his head.

The rest of the meal passed in a much lighter tone and when the last piece of meat was plucked from the grill and devoured by Choji, Shikamaru paid the bill and the four left the restaurant, Shikamaru and Neji leaving in one direction, Ino and Choji in the other.

"So," Choji said to Ino. "Do you think he's back to normal?"

"No," Ino replied with a smile playing on her lips. "He's better than before."

END

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><p><strong>[[AN]] Wow... considering this was quite a short story, it's taken a hell of a lot outta me. It's been very emotional trying to tap into feelings that I've tried to suppress in the past.**

**This chapter was a bitch to edit because it never seemed quite right (also the fact that I was editing it at 4am probably doesn't help)**

**Thanks to everyone who has Favourite-d, Alerted or reviewed. **

**lessthanthree you all  
>WatchingAsYouFall<br>**


	4. Epilogue

**[[A/N]] Soooooooo I know I said the last chapter was the end, but I started writing an epilogue in my head. Here it is!**

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><p>Epilogue<p>

Shikamaru sighed contentedly as cool fingers traced nonsensical patterns on his back, rousing him gently from his sleep.

Warm lips feathered kisses across his shoulders, making him smile as he tried to fall back asleep.

"Wake up."

The breath ghosted against his ear and he opened his eyes. He was greeted by pale, blue-silver eyes.

"Good morning," Shikamaru whispered, brushing a strand of long brown hair away from those beautiful eyes.

"Every morning is a good morning," Neji whispered. "As long as I can wake up with you."

Shikamaru stifled a laugh. Every morning for the last month, Neji had stayed at his house and every morning he would wake Shikamaru up before he snuck out and went back home to pretend he had spent the night in his bed.

"What time is it?" Shikamaru asked.

"Almost 8," Neji replied.

8. 8am. That wasn't right. Neji usually left before the sun came up. "Why didn't you leave yet?"

"I didn't want to," Neji told him. "I will deal with the consequences should any arise."

"Will there be consequences?"

"None that you need to worry about," Neji said with a smile as he placed a small kiss on the end of Shikamaru's nose.

Shikamaru smiled softly. "Well my parents already know you stay here most nights. Nothing wrong on this end."

"And my uncle is easily dealt with. We have nothing to worry about."

Shikamaru leaned forward and kissed the Hyūga deeply. "As there's nothing to worry about, let's go back to sleep."

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><p><strong>[[AN]] Ah... That's a better ending! I'm happier now. **

**Reviews make me happy and make me want to write more ShikaNejiShika =]**

**~WatchingAsYouFall**


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